i remember

i remember the cravings and the middle-of-the-night hunger pangs...
i remember the heat... the boiling heat in the middle of the night under the aircon set at 18 degrees celsius... not to mention the other heat
i remember the swellings... of my nose & my breasts & my fingers & my hands & my feet & my toes...

i remember not being able to cut my own toe nails...
i remember not being able to fit into my favourite sandals...
i remember feeling sleepy a l l the time...
i remember being happy one minute & hating everybody's guts the next... more often than not my poor darling husband's...

i remember not being able to eat, cook, or even smell chicken... CHICKEN!!!
i remember the morning sickness... and the afternoon sickness... and the evening sickness... and the middle of the night sickness...
i remember the backaches and the sideaches and the itchy itchy tummy...

i remember pain like i've never imagined...
i remember the 16 hour labour... especially the last couple of hours of near torture...
i remember the pain and violation of being checked for cervix dilation... and wanting to tear the nurse's head right off her shoulders with my bare hands

i remember the pushing... the tear during the episiotomy... of straining so hard i had cramps in my face and cheeks and neck and fingers and legs for a few days after...

but you know what, i can't wait to go through it again...
because i remember the first time i looked into his beautiful eyes and he looked right back at me