Gone

When you lose someone, the most difficult time has to be when everybody leaves. When you're forced to face the fact that she is gone and that you'll never be able to see, talk, hear, feel her ever again.

As long as there are people around, it's easier to pretend that things are going to be okay. That you'll get over it and you'll get used to the idea of her not being there anymore.

With other people around, you may be forced to think of how it might look if you start bawling like a baby every five seconds. Granted, they would understand but still... it's pretty embarrassing for some.

When everyone's gone, that's when it starts to sink in. That's when everywhere you look, you see her smile. That's when everywhere you turn, you hear her laughter. Even when you close your eyes, you can smell her all around you.

And there's nobody there to distract you.

disappointment is a bummer...

it really hurts when you put in all your hopes into something only to have them come crashing down
when something you've been looking forward... that little extra that keeps you going every day... suddenly ceases to exist
maybe i'm being childish... maybe it's selfish... YES it's selfish... but thinking about it just makes me want to curse this situation and blame everyone for my misery
i'm disappointed... a little hurt... and just plain mad at having my hopes snatched... because other people are just irresponsible
i pray it isn't true... i pray that what i hope for is still within reach...
Oh Allah, give me the strength to get through this and put my selfishness aside
Oh Allah, give me the patience to smile and accept that Your rewards are far greater than any this world may offer
Oh Allah, forgive this humble servant of yours for all these selfish thoughts

What would I do without u guys?

I never thought as myself as family-oriented... in fact there was a point in time where I thought that my family just didn't get me and everything I did for them was just ... wasted. Harsh and unfair I know, but that was just how I felt. But not anymore.

When I first started living in KL, doing my diploma @ Academy TV3, I thought that it was the best thing that could happen to me... that maybe now, they'd appreciate me a little... oh, how naive I was. Not only was it NOT the best thing to happen to me, I was lost without my family. Totally lost! Needless to say, the first six months in KL was an absolute failure... There were so many things I did & didn't do that now, I cringe at the very thought of. Subhanallah,how embarrassing and humiliating! Those days will always be remembered as the darkest days of my life.

Staying in KL, away from my parents & my siblings, has made me realise that I am a homebody after all and there is nothing more I like than to spend time with the people who matter most in my life, even if we're just sitting around doing our own stuff.

Ibu & Ayah have bought a house in Masai & have invited us all to stay with them and I just can't wait! I can already imagine being there together with my parents, my husband & son, Adik, Sofiah, Din & the babies & maybe Fareed & *ahem*. It may be just a little crammed but who cares! I'm already picturing what I should do with my room and daydreaming about furniture & fixtures. I just can't wait!

I never realised how much my family means to me until I had to live away from them and now that I have, I really don't want to anymore...

Wake Up, For Your Own Good

See the bombs falling from the sky like rain
See the smoke curling like so many towers towards the sky
See the crumbling remains of buildings and houses where once people lived and loved and played

See the father crying out as one... two... three of his baby girls being shot down by a monster
Eating chips and chocolates
See the old woman who rushes to help only to be run down by an ambulance
See the neighbour on his donkey cart calling to the poor father with one baby girl in his arms
Only to have his donkey, then himself shot... dead

See the young boy, clutching his dying mother in his arms
See him, helpless and howling, drowning out the sound of his mother’s goodbyes
See the man fleeing from a demolition
Only to have his legs shot and his flattening home toppling on him

See the unborn baby ripped from his mother
Not even given the chance to see this Earth
See the tiny face covered in dirt, its body .......?

See the faces streaked and stained with blood not only their own
Turned black and toxic

Wake up, YOU! Open your eyes to what is happening!

There are those who say that their birth is merely fodder to feed the monster’s raging appetite
There are those who say that this war is not theirs to fight
There are those who say that the monster’s immense strength cannot be beaten, so why try?

Wake up, YOU! When little children and unborn babies are being massacred
without mercy
without sense
The war is no one else’s but ours!

Wake up, Muslims! We are being hunted... killed...
For no other reason but our faith and our belief
Wake up, Muslims! We can end the vile monster
Merely with our unity... OUR UNITY