theres this feeling inside me i just cant explain. its twisting and turning my insides... squeezing and pulling at places i didnt know i had. i dont know what this feeling is but its making me want to scream at the top of my lungs and push someone out a fifty-storey building... from the top floor of course. i feel really sick about the way i feel... i wish it would stop, all these thoughts im having. i dont know why they come... i dont even know what they are. i dont want to be mean... it roils me to be rude to anybody but sometimes keeping it in makes things bad for me. i hate this feeling but i dont know what it is.

i wish it would go away

Who says women are second-class?

In practically every culture, women are treated as second-class.They're not allowed to own land or inherit property... they're not entitled to a good education... their presence is either decorative or seemingly non-existant.

In practically every culture, women are downtrodden... they are abused and neglected and they accept it... because they believe it is their lot. In practically every culture, the female form is something sexual... or fertile. In practically every culture, the woman has become more of a symbol than an actual being.

But not in Islam.

Ever since the religion was first revealed to our Prophet (pbuh), the rights of Muslim women have been clearly defined. In Islam, women are allowed to own and inherit property. The Prophet's(pbuh) wife, Khadijah, was an established businesswoman. In Islam, education is key, for both men AND women. The Prophet's(pbuh) wife, A'isya, was a scholar by the time she was 18 years old and whenever the Prophet(pbuh) was not available, the Companions would seek her, and the other Ummul Mukminin, counsel on many religious matters.

In Islam, a woman is seen as a Muslim, first and foremost, a woman next, and the rest follows. She has the right to choose whom she marries and a right to object to another's wishes. She has the right to divorce a husband who is abusive or refuses to fulfil his obligations as provider.

In Islam, a woman may not be seen but she will definitely be heard. She may be covered up but in no way does this mean she is lesser than man in her opinions, in her ideas or in her faith. Even the act of covering herself is entirely the woman's choice.

In Islam, the rights of women have been clearly defined and practiced throughout the years.

Isn't it funny that it is this glorious religion that's constantly being blamed for oppressing women?

My Boyfriend

I know I don't say this enough but I have the best husband in the world. You may say that I'm biased and ask me how I could possibly know that because he's the only husband I've had and blah blah blah... but I do honestly think my husband is just the mostest.

I know sometimes I don't really show it or sometimes I act mean or sometimes I say things that might suggest that I feel otherwise but Omar Ja'afar is just amazing!

When I was pregnant, he gave me back and shoulder rubs almost every day, for an hour each time. Every time I got hormonal (even before & after my pregnancy)and nasty, he would usually be kind and understanding and almost never angry (I think there were 3 or 4 instances *in total* when he did, but I don't blame him because I did cross the line). He gave me foot rubs when I was 8 months into my pregnancy & even cut my toenails for me because I just couldn't reach my toes by then!

He tries his best to give me anything I want (not that I'm in the habit of asking for anything just because) and doesn't get pissy if I ask for something we can't really afford ( he just tells me we can't but gets it for me as soon as we can).

He's also an amazing dad... He is so attached to Ridhwan and spends as much time with him as possible... playing with him... bathing him... changing his diapers... helping with the late night feedings those first three months. He seldom complains when I wake him up in the middle of the night to change the baby's diapers or heat up the milk.Sometimes, he'd take the baby out in the mornings just so I could get some extra hours of sleep.

I could list half the things he has done for me since I've known him and won't be finished next week!

I know we've had our differences... I mean, how can you know someone for almost 10 years and NOT have any, right? We've had more than our fair share of really, really terrible fights... broken up once... but all in all, he really is one of the best things that has ever happened to me & I really am thankful to Allah for having him in my life.

If There's One Thing I Hate...

I HATE BUSYBODIES!

I can't say it enough.

I hate those people who listen in to conversations they're not invited to. I hate people who make comments about what's being said in conversations they were never invited to in the first place. I hate people who then spread the contents of the conversation to other people who have no business knowing what the contents are in the first place.

I hate those people who look over your shoulder to look at what you're reading... writing... typing... looking at (unless, of course, they were invited to read, write or look at the thing). Please, people... have you heard of personal space? I hate those people who then make comments about what you're reading, writing, typing about or looking at. Who asked you?

I hate people who think it's okay to spread untruths or half-truths or create out & out lies about other people for the sole purpose of having something to say. Get a life!

And last but not least... I hate the people who listen to these people talk about other people & buying what's been said without finding out the truth on their own.

Vicious Cycle

You were hurt... you felt the pain... but so did I. The words you said, the things you did... you may not have seen it but let me tell you they hurt. You say you've swallowed your pride again & again... over & over... whenever they hurt you... guess what, I've had to do that... again & again... over & over... whenever you hurt me.

I try to look out for you, whenever I can... I've come to your defense more than anyone else... have you ever asked me what's been going on in my life?

I know I haven't always done right by you... I know I haven't always been there... but since I have, haven't I tried to be fair?

I know I'm flawed... I make mistakes... but what you've done & what you've said have gone beyond what I can accept.

You demand to be treated fairly... to be just like the rest of us... but do you treat us the way we treat each other? You demand affection... the kind YOU want... but did it occur to you that some people aren't like that?

Did it occur to you that we, all of us, have been bending over backwards to make you happy... it hasn't been easy... you want us to change our minds about how you are... but have you changed?

You have your pride... you have your ego... but you know what? So do I.

You demand respect, but do you give it back?

Look what's happening... you say he hurt you... he says he was joking... he says you hurt him... you say you were joking... when will this end?

You say you've been giving in? Well, I'm sorry but you should... BY VIRTUE OF YOUR AGE ALONE!

Hard to swallow? Can't accept it? Live with it... you have to... you're stuck with us, like it or not.

So, whose ball is it now?

Right BACK at you

Don't you just hate the backhanded compliment... You know, when someone says something really nasty but covers it up with something erm.... not so nasty? Like "Wow, you were such a knock-out when you were younger!" & you'd be left wondering whether you should smile or hit the person with an ice-cream truck! Personally, I'd always opt for the ice-cream truck. It always begins so innocently... talking about old times, how silly you were back then, or how weird the haircuts were, or the strange kitty with the blue hair... & then suddenly, "You know, I used to feel so inferior to you back in high school." Man, I never know what I should do when that happens.

People who do this... give the backhanded compliment deserve to be... backhanded, honestly. I don't really know what they're trying to prove. Well, obviously they're trying to say that they're the bees knees la but please... if YOU have to say YOU'RE great, maybe you not all that after all.

So a friend of mine told me something that happened to her a few days back. This friend of mine was a total hottie back in secondary school. Well, she's still a hottie now, no matter what she says. *You know I love you, baby!* And she had a friend who used to follow her around like a .... erm.... little pet. Harsh, you think? Not if you knew her. Anyway, this little pet, who always thought of herself as ugly & fat & whatever la (or at least, that's what she told us), used to worship & idolise my friend the babe. Wouldn't leave her side for anything... as far as I saw it. So, they met up again a few days ago & you know, did the old 'long time no see' bit & got to talking about how much they've both changed & the little pet looks at my friend & says, "I don't know why I used to feel so inferior to you last time." Apparently, according to my hot friend *yes, I'm going to keep addressing you as that everytime I talk about you* the little pet has now gotten all grown up & glam & all that. O....K.... well, to me, she's still just the little pet that got big.

I always knew she was abit jealous of my friend, no matter how much she tried to cover it up. She tried to look humble & sweet by saying stuff like "ye la, aku kan buruk" but WHAT a load of cowdung!

So anyway... yes, I know I sound pissy... but I think everyone is entitled to once in a while, kan?