So the Fat Woman Says

My brother made a comment the other day about the weight that I had put on, so in retaliation, I had told him that even though I had put on the pounds, I was still lighter than him. What he said next made me think. He said, "I'm a guy. I'm given the allowance to be fat." Hmm...

You know, although I knew he was kidding when he said that, what he said is certainly valid in society today... you only have to flip through mags to know what I'm talking about: female celebs are frequently criticised when they put on weight, and even when they lose (weight), they still lose! whereas male celebrities can be as fat... or thin... as they want to be without it making the front page of some tabloid. So why is that?

Throughout these past few years, I've come across quite a few people who have commented about how fat I've gotten and how much prettier *YUCK* I'd be if I shed the pounds. I hate that. Others keep telling me that the extra weight will be detrimental to my health if I don't do anything about it. YES, I KNOW THAT!! And I HAVE been trying... without much luck. I blame my lack of discipline for that... not to mention the media, who only make it worse by portraying this made-up ideal of what beauty should be... make no mistake about it, the 'ideal beauty' IS made up. A few decades ago, full-figured women were considered to be the beauty ideals... in some cultures, having certain body types made you a choice bride... These days, unless you're a matchstick with boobies, you practically have no place in this world.

To me, what I look like on the outside really doesn't have anything to do with who I am as a person. It doesn't impede my ability to do my job as a teacher or a mother or a wife or a sister or a daughter. I'm comfortable with myself as I am but I have to admit it still hurts when I'm judged based on how I look or make uncalled-for comments about my size. Like Oprah said, this is really the only discrimination left in the world.

The value of self-worth (?)

How do you measure your self-worth, if it can be measured at all? Is it by the things that you have achieved in life, that is, how much material possessions you own? Or is it by what you value as important and how you strive to protect it, like, your reputation or your dignity? Or can it be measured at all? Can you actually put a ‘price tag’ on what you are worth. Apparently to some people, that is how you measure your self-worth, quite literally. Someone I know is getting married and there has been a big commotion going on about the ‘hantaran’ (which is really a sort of gift) she is going to receive. This is a common practice in the Malay culture where the groom is to present a gift, usually in the form of money or presents, to the bride and her family, or something like that, which is not the ‘mahar’ or dowry. In this person’s case, some people have said that the groom does not ‘value’ her enough to give her more, even though the groom will be footing the bill for the entire wedding reception for both sides. Apparently, the ‘hantaran’ she got is a little below market value (?!). Funny isn’t it, that there should be a market value for the gift that a woman should receive before her wedding? What are we (women) supposed to be, sheep? Is there a price that could be put on our heads (or bodies) that would equal to what we are worth? And besides, isn’t it in poor taste to actually be demanding what gifts you should receive? And this whole gift-giving thing is not even an Islamic practice, except for the ‘mahar’, of course, which the bride has a right to ask for whatever she wants and as long as the groom has not provided it, the marriage cannot be consummated. Although I do feel sympathetic for the girl, who was very hurt by the whole thing, I can’t help feeling relieved that my own family would never put me through all this. I suppose some would justify this as trying to plan a budget for the wedding reception, but in this case, since the groom to be has already said that he would pay for everything, what other justification can there be? What is even worse about this whole sorry state of affairs is that this has become such a common practice. So much so that there are women boasting about how much ‘hantaran’ they got, that is, how much they really cost their husbands. Sadly, however, it is also these same women who complain about how tough, financialy, things have become after the wedding. All I can say is DUH! Really, what do you expect? And also, does how much ‘hantaran’ you get determine how successful and happy your whole married life will be? I think not. The Prophet (pbuh) has said that the best of marriages are those that incur the least cost, and yet there are still some women who demand more than what their future husbands can afford. I have heard of an extreme case where the bride’s family had not allowed the groom to marry her unless he paid a very high ‘hantaran‘. The groom had given in but after the wedding, forbade the wife from ever going back t her parents home, saying he had ‘bought’ her. Granted, that is totally uncalled for, but can you blame him? If it were me, I would rather my husband marry me than for him to buy me from my parents.