I know someone who believes, totally, in superstitions. I'm not simply talking about never walking under ladders or avoiding black cats... but things that are even blasphemous. Worse still, she imposes these beliefs on other people & if someone rebukes or contradicts her, she goes nuclear.

You may be wondering why this is an issue, I mean you're probably wondering... "What's wrong with superstitions if they don't harm anyone" or "Why not just indulge her?" I've thought about it & I did think that if I just pretend to go along with her ideas maybe she'll just leave me alone... But no such thing... To do that would make me a munafiq (hypocrite).

I've tried to tell her that her thinking is wrong, that our rizqi ( I don't know the English equivalent) is in the hands of the Almighty & has nothing to do with the way we keep our rice or what time we cut our nails... Needless to say, it didn't go down at all well. I was berated for being rude (she's older than me), a know-it-all & a goody-goody & even worse, she commented about my wanting to be something other than a Malay. I can't help it... I HAVE to say this... What the bleeding EFF!!!!

It is not about not wanting to be a Malay, nothing is ever going to change the fact that I was born that way. This is about being a Muslim & as a Muslim I put my faith in Allah, not some bleeding superstitions, which, most of the time, don't even make any sense. To believe that something, anything in fact, has the power to determine our rizqi is blasphemous & unacceptable.

The worst part is, believing in superstitions is very much practised by alot of Muslim-Malays. which I think is so sad, because to commit a blasphemy is the biggest sin in Islam. & worst still are those who say, "Apa salahnya?" ("What's wrong with that?").

A mutual friend told me that I had deeply hurt this person's feelings. I'm sorry but I don't see how. I wasn't being rude or anything... In fact, I was very polite & gentle in conveying my message... I was!!

If you're reading this, I just want you to know I'm sorry I hurt you, it wasn't my intention. But I will NOT change my mind about what I said. I am not going to indulge you just to make you feel better. You have to understand that to convey this message is required of me as a Muslim. & it is also because I CARE FOR YOU, whether you believe me or not.

26 years & counting

Had a birthday 2 days ago. Just turned 26. Oh my God, I'm old! 4 more years till I turn 30(!). Been on this earth just over a quarter of a century (!!). But what have I achieved in my life?

10 years ago, I would have thought I would have a great job doing something I love (!), married & maybe with kids (!!). 5 years ago, I thought ok, maybe by this time I would be settling down with a job that I like [kinda as a stepping stone for greater things to come (!!)]. But here I am, at 26, still studying, with no job prospects in the near future & definitely not married & no kids...

Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining. I'm finally getting my degree that would bring me closer to doing something that I love (which is writing), I have an incredible boyfriend (who wants to get married the day after I graduate, Insyallah), my parents are proud of me & my achievements (not that they never were, but I never really gave them anything to be proud of) & I'm happy... Happier than I've been for a long time.

The reason why I wrote what I did in the beginning is just that it occured to me of a lot of things that have gone on in my life & how different my perspectives have become at each stage. If someone were to ask my 16 year old self whether I would even get into University, I would probably laugh hysterically (it's not that I didn't think I could, wait a minute... I DIDN'T think I could!) & if someone were to ask my 21 year old self that I would actually change the way I thought about polygamy & wearing the hijjab, I'd probably go "Hmmmm".

But all in all, my life so far has been an incredible roller-coaster ride; there were parts I wish I could do again & other parts that made me sick to the stomach (I don't like roller-coasters at all, but the analogy works, doesn't it?) & I wish to thank all the people I've met along the way, who have helped make me who I am today. Good or bad, I am who I am today because of all of you.